Do I Dare?

I am stirred up inside, I am having a hard time keeping a focus. As I try and write this I struggle to find words. I am in a situation that could bring me much pleasure and yet the outcome is totally out of my control. I wish I could share the details of the situation but not at this time. God supplies all my needs, but what do I do with the wants?

One of my own issues is that I tend to not ask for more than I need. I don’t allow myself to ask for the big things or to dream too big in some areas. Is it a lack of faith, I have seen God provide more than I could ever think I would want? Is it not wanting to walk out of God’s will, in my past God has gone out of His way to stop me from doing something out of His will, see my post One Man about on Tiananmen Square from August 8th. Is it lack of vision, I have a vision for Mexico that is larger than life and I have no doubt that it will come to pass some day? So what is it?

Yesterday when I finished my part in this situation, though tears I sent a text to a friend where I wrote that I was in trouble. I so want this that if I don’t get it I will be crushed. The issue I fight is the fear of disappointment. There have been too many times in my past have I wanted something for myself that has turned it to a deep disappointment.

God has not given me a spirit of fear and He will never disappoint me, but that is my issue. So Lord I ask today in faith, lacking fear that Your desire is to bless me beyond what I could ever hope or dream of. I will receive this as Your gift to me.