Boy, the title of this book says it all: Step Motherhood: How SURVIVE Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked. When I married my husband several years ago I became the wife to a man with two sons making me the Step Mom. Going into this new relationship I knew I would not be their mother, they had one and they weren’t looking for a replacement especially since the boys were actually young men and good young men at that. I only wanted them to respect me as their father’s wife and anything beyond that was extra. Today I believe we are closer than that. I make a point to not interfere with their lives. I help them out in any way I can and do my best not to interfere.
I do feel frustrations at times. They come when their dad does something for them that I disagree with but just have to sit back and trust him, even when I don’t agree. Frustrated when their dad makes decisions that affect me concerning the boys and he tells me, not ask me about it. Frustrations when it seems that the boys hold back and don’t just come to me directly and use their dad as a filter.
Feeling left out comes and goes during the strangest times it happens when we are all sitting around and they start talking about things that happened when the boys were little, it happens when they are struggling and I just have to sit back and watch.
Hopefully I don’t come off as the Wicked Stepmother very often but you would have to check with them on that one, I’m probably a little biased.
I truly only want what is best for them and the biggest problem I have is that I have is that I have fallen totally in love with both of them making it hard not to jump in and over step the roll of Step Mom. It’s a balancing act that is tenuous at best and most of the time I stay quiet. Just in the last couple of weeks we as a family have had our opportunities that could either pull us apart of bring us closer and only time will tell where we end up.
BTW: I have not read this book
Fowl Words
2 comments:
Okay, so I NEED that book! When Chris and I married, I came out the gate ready to be a family. I told him I wanted to treat the girls as my own, that there would be no "stepsisters" or "stepbrothers", that we would be sisters and bros and we would all love one another, and...
Over the years we have had our ups and downs, but the girls and I have had some deep convos and some touching times together.
And yet with all my willingness to listen,lovingly, (even when my stepdaughter tells me she has always hated me and wanted us to divorce so her parents could be reunited), I am still the wicked one. I am not enough. Chris isn't enough. They are unhappy their parents are divorced and that's where they stay.
I have to be honest, it's hard to be perceived as the bad guy. To receive blame for whatever is wrong with their relationship with their dad. I suppose it's natural, but it's not easy.
And it is downright frustrating when choices are made for little people you love as your own that are detrimental, and you can do nothing!
And yet, I can only imagine that God has a phenomenal plan for our familial disaster! I have to believe that since He loves them more than I do, that He will work out wonderful things from a seemingly impossible situation. This step-parenting stuff is hard!!!
Heather:
I know what you mean. One of our sons did all that he could to keep us from getting married. He too blamed me for his parents not getting back together. Is it different now that he is an adult, sometimes I'm not sure but at least he doesn't show it. He does care about me and is learning to be ok with that. As an adult he sees how happy his dad is and that is what we are both after.
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